- Coffee (n.) a person who is coughed upon.
- Flabbergasted (adj.) appalled over how much weight you have gained.
- Abdicate (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
- Esplanade (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk.
- Willy-nilly (adj.) impotent
- Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
- Lymph (v.) to walk with a lisp.
- Gargoyle (n.) an olive-flavoured mouthwash.
- Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
- Balderdash (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.
- Testicle (n.) a humorous question on an exam.
- Rectitude (n.) the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
- Oyster (n.) a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
- Circumvent (n.) the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
- Frisbeetarianism (n.) The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
- Pokemon (n) A Jamaican paroctologist.
- Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realise it was your money to start with.
- Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
- Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
- Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
- Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
- Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
- Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
- Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (this one got extra credit)
- Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
- Glibido: All talk and no action.
- Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when you have been smoking marijuana.
And, the pick of the year:
- Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole
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