Sunday, December 6, 2009

Funny slogans to make you smile...

I have kleptomania,
but when it gets bad,
I take something for it.


Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough. 


Heaven is Where:
The Police are British,
The Chefs are Italian,
The Mechanics are German,
The Lovers are French and
It's all organized by the Swiss. 

Hell is Where:
The Police are German,
The Chefs are British,
The Mechanics are French,
The Lovers are Swiss and
It's all organized by the Italians.


Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake! 


In just two days from now,
tomorrow will be yesterday. 


A bartender is just a pharmacist
with a limited inventory 



I may be schizophrenic,
but at least I have each other. 


Tasmania :
Two million people,
Fifteen last names. 


Dyslexics Have More Nuf.


I LOVE COOKING WITH WINE
Sometimes I even put it in the food. 


money isn't everything,
but it sure keeps the kids in touch. 


Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.. 


Don't sweat the petty things.
Don't pet the sweaty things. 


Corduroy pillows are making headlines! 


I want to die while asleep like my grandfather,
not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.


Did you hear about the dyslexic, insomniac, agnostic?
He lay awake at night wondering if there was a Dog.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Tiger Jokes

What does Tiger Woods have in common with baby seals?

They both get clubbed by Norwegians.

  

 

That's the first time Tiger Woods has failed to drive 300 yards.

 

  

Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree – he couldn't decide between a wood and an iron.

Perhaps Tiger should have used a driver.

 

 

 

I find it's a nightmare driving at 2.05am – sometimes you can't see the Woods for the trees.

 

 

Tiger's wife went for him over a birdie.

 

  

What was the second worst part of Tiger's car accident?

The police found the driver in the trunk.

 

  

What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning? 

They went clubbing.

 

  

What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? 

Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.