Engineers

Engineers - Take One

Two engineering students were walking across campus when the one said to the other, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this very bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."


The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted."


Engineers - Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. But to the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.


Engineers - Take Three

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were playing golf together and found themselves waiting for a particularly slow group of golfers that were in front of them. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, I've never seen such ineptitude!"

The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him.

Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The green keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire-fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime they want." The group was silent for a moment.

The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"



Engineers - Take Four

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.


Engineers - Take Five

Three engineering students were discussing the possible designers of the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. After all - Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it must have been an electrical engineer. Think about the nervous system, it has many thousands of electrical connections."

The last one said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"


Engineers - Take Six

"Normal people...believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."



Engineers - Take Seven

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.

The engineer said, "I like both." The architect and the artist replied in unison, "Both?"

Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, this way you can stay longer at work and get some really interesting stuff done."


Engineers - Take Eight

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one whole week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.


The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a week and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter with you? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and I will do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look... I'm an engineer. I simply don't have time for a girl friend, but a talking frog ....... that's really cool."


Engineers - Take Nine


Five surgeons were taking a coffee break and discussing their work.

"I think accountants are the easiest to operate on," said the first surgeon. "You open them up and everything inside is numbered."

"I think librarians are the easiest to operate on," said the second. "You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order."

"I like to operate on electricians," said the third. "You open them up and everything inside is colour-coded."

"I like to operate on lawyers," said the fourth. "They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and asses are fully interchangeable."

"I like engineers," said the fifth. "They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end..."