Sunday, January 18, 2009
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Smart Computer
In the Computer Science Dept. at King's College, University of London they built this super computer with artificial intelligence
that could carry on a conversation with anyone at their relative intelligence level.
All one had to do was type in their IQ and the computer, through its' voice activated-sound generating processor, would begin the conversation.
So they thought they would test it out on several of the King's faculty.
The first faculty member typed in his IQ at 187 and a bunch of lights on the computer began flashing,
then it began a conversation with the scientist on the origins of the universe, mathematical proof of the existence of black holes, and existential philosophy.
The second faculty member then typed in an IQ of 179 and again lights lit up on the computer
(not quite as many as the first faculty member, but...)
and it began a conversation with the scientist about molecular biology, brain surgery and international monetary policy.
When they tested it on the third faculty member, his finger slipped at the keyboard and typed in 73 instead of 173.
Not much happened -- just one little light, in the upper right hand of the computer display, slowly dimmed then grew stronger, then dimmed...
Finally the computer said....
"So, how's the Harley running'?"
that could carry on a conversation with anyone at their relative intelligence level.
All one had to do was type in their IQ and the computer, through its' voice activated-sound generating processor, would begin the conversation.
So they thought they would test it out on several of the King's faculty.
The first faculty member typed in his IQ at 187 and a bunch of lights on the computer began flashing,
then it began a conversation with the scientist on the origins of the universe, mathematical proof of the existence of black holes, and existential philosophy.
The second faculty member then typed in an IQ of 179 and again lights lit up on the computer
(not quite as many as the first faculty member, but...)
and it began a conversation with the scientist about molecular biology, brain surgery and international monetary policy.
When they tested it on the third faculty member, his finger slipped at the keyboard and typed in 73 instead of 173.
Not much happened -- just one little light, in the upper right hand of the computer display, slowly dimmed then grew stronger, then dimmed...
Finally the computer said....
"So, how's the Harley running'?"
Thursday, January 15, 2009
15 reasons for a Goldwing to be stopped on the side of the road
1. The cappuccino machine needs cleaning.
2. His co-rider fell asleep and he hated to wake her.
3. He needed to put 10 new CDs in to the CD changer.
4. The refrigerator mounted on the trailer can't keep the ice cream frozen on hot days so he stopped to eat it.
5. He had a fax coming in on the first line, so he thought he'd better disconnect the modem from the second line in case someone was trying to reach him on the helmet phone.
6. The last big bump made the lazy boy seat come to a full upright position, so he had to stop and adjust it.
7. His tax accountant has scheduled a conference call with his portfolio manager, and he wanted to take a few notes.
8. He just crossed a time zone and he needed to reset the VCR to record the right program for him to watch tonight.
9. His A/C vents were pointed too far into the wind stream to keep him cool.
10. He has a 200-mile gas tank range but a 175-mile bladder range.
11. He stopped to take the chocolate chip cookies out of the oven, but now the ice cream is all gone, so what can he eat with them?
12. He was confirming tonight's reservation at the Hilton 800 miles ahead.
13. He wanted to colour in another country on his travel map.
14. He had a bug splattered on his chrome and he needed to polish it before it dried on.
15. He stopped to help the Harley that was stopped along the road
2. His co-rider fell asleep and he hated to wake her.
3. He needed to put 10 new CDs in to the CD changer.
4. The refrigerator mounted on the trailer can't keep the ice cream frozen on hot days so he stopped to eat it.
5. He had a fax coming in on the first line, so he thought he'd better disconnect the modem from the second line in case someone was trying to reach him on the helmet phone.
6. The last big bump made the lazy boy seat come to a full upright position, so he had to stop and adjust it.
7. His tax accountant has scheduled a conference call with his portfolio manager, and he wanted to take a few notes.
8. He just crossed a time zone and he needed to reset the VCR to record the right program for him to watch tonight.
9. His A/C vents were pointed too far into the wind stream to keep him cool.
10. He has a 200-mile gas tank range but a 175-mile bladder range.
11. He stopped to take the chocolate chip cookies out of the oven, but now the ice cream is all gone, so what can he eat with them?
12. He was confirming tonight's reservation at the Hilton 800 miles ahead.
13. He wanted to colour in another country on his travel map.
14. He had a bug splattered on his chrome and he needed to polish it before it dried on.
15. He stopped to help the Harley that was stopped along the road
Monday, January 12, 2009
10 peeves that Dogs have about humans
1. Blaming your farts on me... not funny... not funny at all !!!
2. Yelling at me for barking.. I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG, YOU IDIOT!
3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?
4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose... stop it!
5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.
6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo what a proud moment for the top of the food chain.
7. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!
8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.
9.Dog sweaters. Hello ???, Haven't you noticed the fur?
10. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous.
Now lay off me on some of these thing's, We both know who's boss here!!! You don't see me picking up your poo do you ???
2. Yelling at me for barking.. I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG, YOU IDIOT!
3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?
4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose... stop it!
5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.
6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo what a proud moment for the top of the food chain.
7. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!
8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.
9.Dog sweaters. Hello ???, Haven't you noticed the fur?
10. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous.
Now lay off me on some of these thing's, We both know who's boss here!!! You don't see me picking up your poo do you ???
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
I NO COME WORK TODAY!!!'
Hung Chow calls into work and says, 'Hey, I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work.'
The boss says, 'You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me Sex.
That Makes everything better and I go to work… You try that.'
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. 'I do what you say and I feel Great. I be at work soon........
You got nice house
Monday, January 5, 2009
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Male v. Female Perspectives
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female.. The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.. A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
7 . REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.. A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
AND;
He said . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it
She said . . .You wear pants don't you?
He said... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said... That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!
He said ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said ...Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said ... How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said ... We don't know; it has never happened.
He said ... Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said ... Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female.. The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.. A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
7 . REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.. A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
AND;
He said . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it
She said . . .You wear pants don't you?
He said... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said... That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!
He said ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said ...Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said ... How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said ... We don't know; it has never happened.
He said ... Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said ... Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
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