Monday, April 21, 2008

Farts

A fart it is a pleasant thing,
It gives the belly ease,
It warms the bed in winter,
And suffocates the fleas.
 
A fart can be quiet ,
A fart can be loud,
Some leave a powerful
Poisonous cloud.
 
A fart can be short,
Or a fart can be long,
Some farts have been known
To sound like a song.
 
A fart can create
A most curious medley,
A fart can be harmless,
Or silent and deadly.
 
A fart might not smell,
While others are vile,
A fart may pass quickly,
Or linger a while
 
A fart can occur
In a number of places,
And leave everyone there,
With strange looks on their faces.
 
From wide-open prairie,
To small elevators,
A fart will find all of
Us sooner or later.
 
But farts are all bad,
Is simply not true
We must never forget
Sweet old farts like you!
 

Monday, April 7, 2008

The Ostrich

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be 9.40 please," she says and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact amount for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke." The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same." Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact amount. For a while this becomes routine until the two enter again later in the week.

"The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, this time it's a treat, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad," says the man. "Yep! Same," says the ostrich. Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be 32.62." Once again the man pulls the exact amount out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact money from your pocket every time?" "Well,' says the man, "several years ago I was clearing the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there." "That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a couple of million pounds or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!" "That's right. Whether it's a pint of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man. The waitress asks, "But, sir, what's with the ostrich?" The man sighs, pauses, and replies, "My second wish was for a tall bird with a big arse and long legs who agreed with everything I say."

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Cream egg smashed

Very Clever!