Tuesday, August 26, 2008

OPEC minister on truth serum to the yankees

The OPEC minister would look you in the eyes and say:

"We are at war with you infidels. Have been since the embargo in the
1970s. You are so arrogant you haven't even recognized it. You have more
missiles, bombs, and technology; so we are fighting with the best weapon we
have and extracting on a net basis about $700 billion/year out of your
economy. We will destroy you! Death to the infidels!

While I am here I would like to thank you for the following:       


1) Not developing your 250-300 year supply of oil shale and tarsands. we
know if you did this, it would create millions of jobs for US citizens,
expand your engineering capabilities, and keep the wealth in the US instead
of sending it to us to finance our war against you stupid people

2) Thanks for limiting defense dept. purchases of oilsands oil from your
Canadian
neighbours to the north. We love it when you confuse your allies. 


3) Thanks for over regulating every segment of your economy and thus
delaying, by decades, the development of alternate fuel technologies. 


4) Thanks for limiting drilling off your coasts, in Alaska , and anywhere
there is a bug, bird, fish, or plant that might be inconvenienced. Better
that your people suffer! Glad to see our lobbying efforts have been so
effective.

5) Corn based Ethanol. Praise Allah for this sham program! Perhaps you will
destroy yourself from the inside with theses types of policies. This is a
gift from Allah, praise his name! We never would have thought of this one!
This is better than when you pay your farmers NOT TO GROW FOOD. Have them
use more energy to create less energy, and simultaneously drive food prices
through the roof.
Thank you US Congress!!!! 


6) Thank you for letting us fleece you without end. You will be glad to know we
have been accumulating shares in your banks, real estate, and publicly held
companies. We also finance a good portion of your debt and now manipulate
your markets, currency, and economies to our benefit. 


After we take over your country, I will read this warning to again-this time
on your national television.  I will do this just to let you know how blind
and pathetic you really are!


THANK YOU AMERICANS!'

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Men have better friends




          Proof that Men Have Better Friends...

         Friendship among Women:

         A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning
         she told her husband that she had slept over at a
         friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best
         friends. None of them knew anything about it.



**********************************************************************



         Friendship among Men:

         A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he
         told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's
         house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.
         Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was
still there.

**********************************************************************






Thursday, August 7, 2008

The Perfect Husband

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a
bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker function and begins
to talk.  Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: 'Hello'
WOMAN: 'Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?'
MAN: 'Yes'
WOMAN: 'I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat.
It's
only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?'
MAN: 'Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.'
WOMAN: 'I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2008

models. I saw one I really liked.'
MAN: 'How much?'
WOMAN: '$90,000
MAN: 'OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.
WOMAN: 'Great! Oh, and one more thing...the house I wanted last year is
back

on the market. They're asking $950,000'
MAN: 'Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will

probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand if it's really
a pretty good price.'
WOMAN: 'OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!'
MAN: 'Bye! I love you, too.'
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in
astonishment, mouths agape.
He turns and asks: 'Anyone know who this phone belongs to?'